Was there ever a day when I didn’t think of Sulien, when he walked this earth we shared and loved and he somehow thought was his to do with as he pleased? Yes!
Has there been one waking hour when I haven’t thought of my beautiful, vibrant 12 year old son, in one way or another, since he died? Hardly!
The rich life he so sadly left, goes on. Has it changed since he died? No!
It remains the world he and I loved so very much, with all its challenges. He sought out its opportunities with rare abandon and dealt with any obstacles he encountered, usually after he’d fallen over them!
Have I changed? Overall, I can’t say I have.
I do feel how I relate to life and mankind has! Since Sulien’s death, my mind, body and in particular my senses are all on full alert. I am both tired and incredibly aware. I see all the things we saw together, not differently, simply more strongly. I am surrounded by beauty here in Pembrokeshire in West Wales. I savour it, for me and for him, gladly and sadly!
He may have left me, but my community emerged, embracing me and mine. I feel closer and more open to my fellow man than I ever have in my life before. I am grateful for that and to them. People are good!
I do at the moment hurt a hell of a lot more than I did, every day, that is new.
I miss Sulien and sharing our love of life.
I can’t yet make the time to write my blog in the way I intend. For now, I am going to content myself with posting a simple little blog on the daily reflection page most days and adding to the fixed pages, when I can, over the next year on the life he’s left behind.
My son on his 11th birthday, with friends and youngest brother Isaac,